10 Things I've Learned Since Graduation

1. Just because you're growing up doesn't mean the people around you are as well.

2. Don't be afraid to put in 110% effort, because people will notice and reward you, but...

3. ...Don't expect a constant pat on the back.

4. You will be discriminated against. Don't let it hold you back.

5. You are responsible for your own destiny. Stop waiting for people to hand it to you.

6. Be memorable.

7. Always keep in touch.

8. Take the time to get to know yourself, and be true to that person.

9. Just because you're not in school doesn't mean you can't learn anything. Sometimes you are your own best teacher.

10. Your goals are achievable. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Past Two Months

The past two months have probably been the most eventful and life-changing of my life. I hardly feel like the same person I was back in May. I'm just relieved the hurricane has calmed down, and I'm now settling down into a routine. I'm patiently waiting for the summer to be over so I can finally finalize any future plans.

1. At the beginning of May, a beautiful and loving kitty came into my life by name of Poki. She is absolutely the sweetest cat I've ever met, and I am madly in love with her. I got her from SPCA, and the moment I saw her, I knew it was meant to be. She's brightened my life in more ways than one, and I'm glad I have her.

2. Uh... I graduated! That's right, folks. Stephanie is officially a college graduate (pending my internship grade, which will no doubt be passing). Getting my "diploma" was one of the proudest moments of my life, as cliche as that sounds. I honestly never thought in a million years that I could last through these past four years, let alone even go to college. But I made it, and I am now one step closer to adulthood.

3. Work and internship. I went back to PacSun, not with the position I previously had. While I'm seriously disappointed to be doing a job I've done for two years, it pays the rent (sort of) and that's all I can ask for. I'm not at all satisfied with it though. I feel I've gotten everything I could out of being a sales associate, and I really want to be re-promoted to senior sales. I feel I'm more deserving of that position, considering the years I dedicated to the store, despite my occasional breaks from retail. If I don't get the recognition (or more importantly, the hours), I may be in the market for a new job. I know I can be doing much more with my time and energy than work two days a week at a job I've been doing off and on since 2006.

My internship, on the other hand, is going amazingly. I've accomplished so much in the month I've been there. I created a mash-up video that's now on the organization's YouTube page and did promotion for this video on my own. It currently has over 15,000 hits. I produced a Tech Tip video about online gaming, which will go up on their website within the next week. And just today, I edited together a movie review in the span of a few hours. I feel so comfortable working at Common Sense, and I'm gaining confidence in my abilities as an editor and in working with/for other people. My good work is constantly praised (I'm not trying to toot my own horn here), and I feel respected and recognized at Common Sense. Even as a lowly intern whose only been there for a month, I feel more important than I do at PacSun. If they were to offer me a job (I can only hope), I would take it in a second.

4. My sister had her baby. May I introduce into the world my new neice, Taylor Brianne. Born on June 19, she has her mama's looks, but her auntie's eyes (and apparently lungs, cause that girl does not shut up). I'm so proud of my sister for transitioning into the world of motherhood so smoothly, and I know she'll be a great mom. Right now, Gigi (aka my mother) is visiting Jackie and the baby in Washington, and hopefully I'll be able to go up for Thanksgiving. I'm so excited to be an auntie, and I can't wait to meet her.

So yes, the past two months have been hectic and eventful. And now that I finally have the time to breathe, I can reflect back on them and actually figure out what happened (it all went by so fast). I know the rest of the summer will be equally eventful, but I'm hoping that I will have a little bit more stability when September comes around.

Blast from the Past

So the other day, I found some old photos, and one especially stuck out. It was from the summer before my senior year of high school. I worked at the movie theater that summer. It was my first job and quite an experience. I had some bad times there (like working with a wanted child rapist), but also some really really good (hellooooo free movies!). Most of all, it set in motion my work ethic. I became a hard worker, responsible and active. If it weren't for that job, I probably wouldn't have the experience I do now, five years later.

Anyway, this photo I found was the highlight of my summer. One night, I was working the consession stand, just chilling with my co-workers. It was a slow night, and we were throwing dirty popcorn at each other (I know, very mature). I noticed him immediately, with his first step through the glass doors. Dominic Monaghan. He came up, asked me for a bottle of water, and I gladly gave him one =D.

For you uninformed readers, Dominic Monaghan played Merry in Lord of the Rings and Charlie in LOST. I was madly in love with him at the time (he was on my "laminate"), and the moment I noticed him, I was jumping up and down. I quickly finished cleaning the food area, and sat in his theater, patiently waiting for him to exit. As he did, I nervously asked him for his autograph and a picture. And voila:

I wish it was better quality, but there he is in all his glory! He's gorgeous in real life, and his accent is AH-MAY-ZING. And he's really nice. We spent a good 20 minutes just chatting (and by chatting, I mean staring at him in awe as he spoke to my manager). Oh how I wish I took him home that night... that would've been a much better story to tell. Thank you Dominic Monaghan for giving me a great first job story and making my dull summer vacation something to remember!

Poki

The love of my life (after Raj, of course). Just got her on Sunday. Her name's Popoki (cat in Hawaiian), Poki for short. She's 1 year old and the most affectionate, loving cat I've ever met. She's got her momma's eyes, too!

48 Days Later

So yeah. I graduate in 48 days. What else is there to say?

Um.... maybe that I'm EXCITED and NERVOUS and SCARED SHITLESS and a million other emotions that I feel I'm going to burst like an island hatch barely containing radioactive energy unless someone pushes a button every 108 minutes. It's very daunting to think that my life will change completely in the matter of a few weeks. From the time I graduate to when I start my "real life," everything will be different. My daily routine, the people I see, the way I think. At least I'm in a much better position now than I was a few months ago. So when people ask me, "what are you doing after graduation," I no longer just shrug my shoulders.

So I got the internship at Common Sense Media. It's no film studio job, but I find the organization fascinating. They focus mainly on media review and education for parents and students. It helps develop a literacy that I feel is so important for our media drenched youth. They release weekly videos containing film reviews and topic discussions. As someone who is staunchly against the overbearing control of the MPAA (to be discussed in a later post), I feel Common Sense Media offers an appropriate alternative. I will be a production intern, so I will assist in the production of their weekly videos, as well as the editing of said videos. That means, lots of hands on experience instead of being some lackey who gets coffee.

I also have a job opportunity currently pending. I applied to go back to PacSun, a company I've dedicated two years of my life to. PacSun has been good to me over the years, and I'm hoping that it will continue to be. I had my interview yesterday, and I got good and bad(ish) news. It seems like I will be hired back, which is a relief. However, I'm worried that I'll only be hired as a sales associate, which is technically a demotion from my former senior sales position. This "demotion" is completely understandable though, seeing as the position itself has changed since I last worked there. I just need to prove to my superiors once again that I am worth the position I applied for. However, I won't know for certain whether or not I will get my old job back, so that one is still up in the air. So please send me good thoughts!

Lastly, I am barely scrounging around to confirm my living situation. To make a long story really short, finding a place to live and people to live with is beyond difficult and extremely tiring. Moral of the story: don't rely on other people because they will disappoint you. How pleasant.

Oh, and this:

I wore a skirt.

I wore a skirt yesterday. And I felt like a woman. And it bothers me.

I struggle constantly with being a woman. I want to be independent. I want to be autonomous. I want my decisions and my personality to be completely my own and not determined by societal gender norms. Unfortunately, I have the most difficult time coming to terms with this. And then I realized, trying to be an independent woman, trying to live my life on my own terms, is supposed to be difficult. Living a life, having a mindset that is truly outside of cultural influence is never easy.

I have something embarrassing to confess. When I was a senior in high school, I fell head over heels for this guy. After a few months, he broke up with me because he "didn't want to be in love with someone who was just going to go off to college." Upon getting my responses back from these college, I only got accepted to UH, and wait-listed to two others. Instead of pushing for the two colleges to accept me, I allowed myself to go to UH, just so I could prove to this boy that he could be with me. After pursuing him further, I was rejected. As embarrassing as this is to admit, I have to understand that I need to learn from this experience. I foolishly let a man determine a major life decision of mine, only to lose out on great opportunities.

And now, four years later, I'm at another pivotal moment in my adult life. I have a career that I'm about to embark on. And all I can think about is my current boyfriend. Am I staying in SF post-graduation because of him? Maybe. And I feel I am compromising once more my future for a man. I am falling into a trap that many women fall into. I am accepting my supposed fate as a woman, and allowing myself to surrender to these gender norms. Every time I feel womanly in a skirt or when I get emotional or when I spend more time complaining about men than discussing serious issues, these times make me feel I am failing as a feminist. I want to gain control of my life. I want to become a woman who doesn't subscribe to society's expectations of me. I want to be stronger. I want to be autonomous. I want to prove to others that being a woman doesn't mean I have to think or act or dress a certain way.

Being a woman is hard. Being a woman who rejects gender norms is even harder.

Diablo Cody Stole My Idea (sorta)

So back in the day (which happened to be freshman year of high school), my girlfriends and I huddled around a bathroom stall, nervously joking to one another. We were, of course, adding levity to the fact that one of our own was anxiously waiting the results of a pregnancy test on the other side of the door. Three minutes later, negative. Yay to no teen mothers! Yay to no abortions! Yay to another un-ruined life!

These occasions (more often than I'd like to admit) helped me develop a brain-script (script for a film that existed only in my brain) about a snarky, geek-chic teen girl who became pregnant from a one-night encounter with a friend. However, where Diablo Cody failed in her Juno story, I (think I have) succeeded. Instead, I have the teen grapple with the idea of an abortion. Juno allowed for the main character to consider abortion for ten minutes; I created an entire story about it.

What upsets me most about current media is how unplanned pregnancy is discussed. Juno, Knocked Up, 16 and Pregnant. These stories make us (us = young women) think that abortion really isn't an option. No one really considers "dealing with the problem," and if they do, this decision is made quickly. Instead, this difficult, but sometimes necessary, step is played off as just another punch line. Young women, as consumers of media, are taught that abortion is never to be taken seriously, only because it apparently doesn't exist.

Which is why I would like to change that. Ever see 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days? If not, I strongly recommend it. It's no surprise that a film like this was made in Europe, and not the US. American audiences simply wouldn't be able to handle how heavy this film is. While my personal filmmaking style is not so intense, I would like to make a film that deals directly with a young woman's pregnancy, mental anguish, and final decision to get an abortion. If something like that could get national attention, maybe we wouldn't have 16 and Pregnant or so-called "pregnancy pacts."